Tencent Weibo

Me: I brought your mom here for out first date. My 7 year old: I remember that.[Translate]

Thanks for keeping #dadisfat a New York Times top 10 seller. Print, digital, audio, events jimgaffigan.com[Translate]

Mexican food is the best and I'm not just saying that because I'm Mexican.[Translate]

I’m so tired. I thought it was allergies but now I think I’m pregnant.[Translate]

Here is kermit and my spirit animal http://url.cn/EsPf21[Translate]

NYC - Just scribbled my name in theses copies of #dadisfat at @mcnallyjackson . Support independent bookstores[Translate]

You should have to pass a walking exam before you are allowed to carry an open umbrella[Translate]

Thanks @kittyfacestudios #dadisfat[Translate]

It's sad nobody bothered to ask what that MGM lion was roaring about the beginning of movies.[Translate]

Suddenly me naming my second gold platted golf cart "Bon vivant" is not considered down to earth? Au contraire![Translate]

I hate when people are elitist. Especially if they are my chauffeur.[Translate]

Just bought a new journal![Translate]

Jim Gaffigan: ".@hardball_chris napped on this couch in @booksmithtweets ! They wouldn't let me buy it." (null)[Translate]

.@hardball_chris napped on this couch in @booksmithtweets ! They wouldn't let me buy it.[Translate]

American in Boston: These are some old buildings. European in Boston; These are some new buildings. Bostonian in Boston: Yankees suck![Translate]